The prevailing volatile security situation in the country has left PCB with no option but to ‘host’ a high-valued series with Zimbabwe at a neutral venue in early 2019. The venue selected is Alkamunia, a hill station in the suburbs of Green Land. Zimbabwe had earlier offered to host it, but fearing a backlash from the West, the pro-democratic regime of dictator Payja the 2nd refused to oblige his long-term friend Robert Mugabe.
Ijaz Butt, after getting extension for his 4th term, in a joint press conference with his counterpart from Zimbabwe, once again reiterated Pakistan’s resolve to eradicate corruption from the game. It is pertinent to mention here that Butt has recently been discharged from hospital. He made speedy recovery from a major brain attack, his third in three years.
He still stumbles too often when he walks, but thankfully he can complete a sentence before he rushes to urinate, as his prostate weighs around 120 grams. During the previous stroke, he had developed global aphasia but now his motor speech is back; sensory speech deficit is not a problem for him off course. He says he is not bothered with his Alzheimer’s any more as he has learnt to live with it.
Responding to a question regarding removal of Ahmed Shehzad from captaincy, Butt reminded every one that the said player had breached a number of clauses of the PCB’s Code of Conduct. He showed the media the copy of manager Intikhab Alam’s report which clearly stated that Shehzad was not fit to be captain of a team like Pakistan. Butt has revealed to the startled reporters that 44-year old Misbah-ul-Haq – nicknamed uncle by players and officials alike - has been recalled from wilderness yet again and made captain in all forms of the game. According to Butt, Misbah has thankfully accepted the offer and promised to show good results in the coming Intercontinental Cup to be held in Papua New Guinea in Febuarary next year.
Imran Farhat junior, the son of legendary Imran Farhat, is expected to be vice-captain to Misbah-ul-Haq, although the latter wanted Mohammad Hafeez to continue the job. Chief Selector Muhammad Ilyas, while selecting his grandson, lavished praise for the lad who scored a fine century against Lyari while playing for Lahore Greens. He advised every one not to criticize the decision of making him vice-captain straightaway as, in his opinion, he has in born error of captaincy in his mind since the playing days of Gully cricket. He later said the word ‘error’ was a slip of tongue, he meant ‘talent’.
Saleem Malik, the PCB treasurer and chief operating officer, too graced the occasion. To a question from a prominent cricket expert, Saleem Malik revealed the names of 3-member committee formed to probe Ahmed Shehzad’s matter. Former cricketer Sarfaraz Nawaz will head the committee, while Muammar Rana and Salman Butt will be the members.
Butt was all praise for bowling coach, Mohammad Asif, who worked hard on young bowlers in the recently concluded camp at Abbottabad. He could not satisfy the audience when he was asked why Mohammad Amir was continuously being ignored despite the fact that his ban was lifted a long time ago. All that could be construed from his remarks was that Amir was no more an innocent lad.
Wasim Bari, the Director Domestic Cricket of the board, said that ICC has praised Butt’s efforts to curb spot-fixing in the game. It is worth mentioning here that last year Butt had accused a permanent member of the ICC of involvement in spot-fixing, but he immediately read out an apology standing on the balcony of MCC’s Conference room. The ICC duly appreciated Butt’s gesture and gave him medal of life time achievement in the annual ICC awards.
The Zimbabwean guest, when asked why Alkamunia was chosen, replied with a broad smile that there was no other option available. According to him, the venue was selected keeping in mind the economic viability and the fact that the menace of spot-fixing will be kept under check. An insider told this correspondent the real reason behind this motive was that there will be no media there to cover any thing untoward. Further, the polar bears and reindeers will appreciate the stroke play better than the dumb crowd present in the last series which was held in Libya. Patron-in-Chief of PCB had reportedly ordered the authorities to grant Ijaz Butt the permission so that he could fulfill his long-standing dream to visit the place before he dies.
Meanwhile PCB has met with severe criticism from within when Director-General Javed Miandad blasted Ijaz Butt for not appointing a batting coach for the national team. After meeting with Patron-in-Chief, he said that he was assured of the support and that his experience and knowledge of the game would be utilized properly keeping in mind his services for the country. But when he was approached for the job, he categorically refused to work under a junior player and demanded that he be made a full time coach with full authority. If needed by the team, he said, he was even willing to bat at number four to stave off a familiar batting collapse. He kept quiet when asked why he is not resigning from his job if his demands are not met.
Talking to Ji-Oye TV, Amir Sohail sliced the PCB with scathing remarks that it was butt of all jokes that Ijaz Butt was still continuing the job despite having suffered stroke after stroke. He repeated his demand 13578th time that Tauqir Zia should be made PCB chairman to save cricket from total destruction. He advised PCB to hire a batting coach from China if Miandad is not willing to accept the job.
Disclaimer: The article is written just for the purpose of entertainment and pure fun. The author does not, in any way, intend to degrade any individual, group, organization or country. Every thing should be taken in good spirit.
Published in Sportpulse.net
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